The Living Dead

September 17, 2017 § Leave a comment

A slow death
Is it less a death?
I feel lost, invisible.
I feel I’m drowning.

I wake up from nightmares
that stem from a stagnant life.
I see therapists who tell me
what I’m doing is worthwhile.
Why then, do I feel worthless?

When I’m homeward bound
I feel pieces of me materialise;
like tiles of a jigsaw puzzle
fading in on ‘PowerPoint’.
I ‘feel’ me;
I feel I exist,
I feel I matter,
And I feel I can make my life matter.

Here I am – stuck in a rut,
And I hear a soap dialogue
over and over again –
“The carousal never stops turning”
says a foreboding voice.

I read self-help books
that I thought were beneath me,
I watch videos that promise
transformation in 5 seconds,
I depend on music
to shut out thoughts and feelings.
I do these, to stay afloat
from the swirling current of depression.

I feel the despair of a life slipping by,
I feel the despair of risking a life alone,
I feel the despair of raising a child
When I feel I’m not enough.

Can I check out for just a few minutes?
Can I be visible somewhere?

I can all this and lay it at his door.
If that is true or not I will never know.
But if ‘that’ is a given,
I have to rise above.
Above the humdrum.
Above the fear.
Above the roles.
‘Re-invent’ as it is called
But who is the new me?
I want my old self back –
but she needed to be held;
She needs to go it alone now
And doesn’t know how.



தள்ளாடும் தாளங்கள்

August 23, 2017 § Leave a comment

உன் மடியில் தலை சாய
தலைவி நான் இல்லை.
உன் தோளில் நீ அணைத்தால்  
தோழியா துணைவியா என்ற தயக்கம்.
அரவணைக்க உரியவன் இருக்க 
உன்னிடம் நான் ஆறுதலை ஏன் தேடுகிறேன்?

Existential Depression

July 25, 2017 § Leave a comment

An acquiline nose set below sharp eyes
That appreciate beauty,
Had once spotted innocence.
He hailed it in regret
Long after it was gone
For now the mark of life
Marred the eyes.

The young oft so unjustly judged
Are as yet untainted by life.
They populate my house now and again
So sweetly unaware of their innate goodness.

A beloved once said,
“We can’t be that anymore
No one would credit it.
For as we get older
We get more wicked.”

Living does stain the soul, I suppose.
It swings through shades of grey
Terrified and drawn by black and
Awed and scared of white
Journey of the soul forged in fire
The embers of which form the grey.

The Facebook Wall 

July 25, 2017 § Leave a comment

“Tear down this wall” Reagan said.
Once rejoiced now a blasphemy of
Facebook faith.
I pull up ‘The Wall’ compulsively to see
Through the looking glass that
Reflects all back to me.
I smile and touch and dance for all to see
But remain untouched behind the wall
As safe as can be.

Stuff’s Funny

July 25, 2017 § Leave a comment

You buy it b’coz you love it
You keep it b’coz you bought it
You throw it b’coz you don’t need it.
So what’s love?

Dedicated lovingly to all my fellow hoarders – physical and meta

Behind Humour

July 8, 2017 § Leave a comment

An armour of wit
Is what makes her tick.
Deflecting praise and scorn alike
She cloaks the emotions in her eyes.
She can cut you to quick or make you fly
Anything to divert you from where she hides.
She is jelly and mush with humour for fence
In time, she will let you in on her own terms.

A Garbled Mind

July 8, 2017 § Leave a comment

Wouldst there be just one issue to take
A plethora of problems of sense to make.
Untangle the bundle with ease and poise
If you can see that its all of one part.
The thread that unsnarls is called ‘Self’
Set it right and you are set for life.